I Actually hate Money

Money is one of the hardest topics to talk about. It feels personal, even intimate, and opening up about it can feel exposing. For the longest time, I avoided conversations about money, not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t know how.

Growing up, the way my parents handled money shaped my perspective. Money was a survival tool. It was something you had to hold on to tightly. Spending felt risky. Every naira was accounted for, and the thought of spending on frivolous things was almost unthinkable. While my family was comfortable, that comfort came at the expense of indulgences, no vacations, no unnecessary luxuries. We lived within strict boundaries, and I carried those boundaries with me well into adulthood.

For a long time, I treated money as something scarce, fragile, and finite. My approach to it was to save, save, and save some more, often at my own expense. I wouldn’t spend on myself, even when I really needed to. I’d wear the same old clothes, look less put together, but feel a strange sense of satisfaction knowing there was some money in the bank.

But here’s the thing: how much was that money really worth if I wasn’t living?

Even now, money is a topic that makes me uneasy. Asking for financial help feels like scaling a mountain barefoot. I remember one time I had to ask a friend for money. I couldn’t even do it face-to-face. I typed out the message, put my phone on Do not disturb and archived the chat. My heart was racing as if I had committed a crime.

Why did I feel like this? Why did the simple act of asking for help feel so monumental?

Looking back, I can see the roots of these feelings in my upbringing. My parents’ financial caution served us well in many ways, but it also instilled in me a fear of money. Spending felt dangerous, and needing help felt like failure.

It’s taken time, but I’m learning to rewrite my story with money. I’ve realized that money is a tool, not a master. Yes, it’s important to save and prepare for emergencies, but it’s just as important to live. Money is made to be earned and spent, not feared.

I’m in the process of understanding money better, how it’s made, how it works, and how I can take control of it instead of letting it control me. It’s not easy. It’s a hard process, but it’s worth it. I’ve also started talking more openly about money with friends. I’ve realized I’m not alone in these struggles.

One of my friends has a similar fear of money. She’ll ask me to talk to her boyfriend about money issues on her behalf because the idea of doing it herself terrifies her. It made me realize how many of us are carrying this unspoken weight.

The Bondage of Making Money

Another thing I’ve noticed about money is how the act of making it can put people in a kind of bondage. It’s like waking up every day, going to work, coming back home, sleeping, and then doing it all over again. Rinse and repeat. It’s almost as if there’s no life outside the cycle of making money.

Now, don’t get me wrong, money is important. It’s a necessity in our daily lives. But we need to stop elevating it above everything else. We weren’t born just to work and make money. We were born to live.

I think we need to start viewing money differently. Instead of letting it control us, we should see it as something we control.

Money is a tool, it’s something we earn, something we spend, but it should never take over 80% of our lives.

Think about it: for most of us, we start working around 18 and don’t stop until we retire, and even after retirement, we’re still hustling to make ends meet. Money has placed so many of us in a cage, and we’ve accepted it as the norm.

We need to find a way out of this mindset. Money should sit in the palm of our hands, not weigh us down or chain us. It’s time we take back control and remind ourselves that we are more than what we earn.

Don’t let money scare you. You’re the one making it; you’re the one who should control it. Money doesn’t define your worth or your life, it’s just a means to an end.

Let’s all try to be a little kinder to ourselves when it comes to money.