I was slapped

By reality

If someone had told me a week ago that I would be in this dilemma, drowning in emotions I can barely name, I would have laughed, or maybe even smacked them on the head. Because just a week ago, life felt good. Maybe not entirely, but at least in one aspect, I felt okay. I felt secure. I felt safe. And that was enough.

But today, today was a slap in the face. A wake-up call so harsh that I’m still struggling to process it. I think I just faced one of the most intense situations of my life, one that forced me to confront my self-respect, my tolerance, and the very nature of love itself.

Right now, my emotions are everywhere. Anger. Hurt. Pain. Betrayal. And anger again. A deep, burning anger. The kind that sits in your chest like a weight, making every breath feel heavy. I think my trust has been broken in a way that makes me question if I’ll ever truly trust again. And that realization? It stings.

It hurts to have placed someone in a sacred space in my heart, only to be forced to remove them. To have built something in my mind and soul, only to watch it crumble. I wish I had the right words to describe how I feel, but all I can say is, I’m exhausted.

See, I’ve spent time working on myself. I’ve fought hard to unlearn toxic habits, to grow, to be better. To show up for love in the healthiest way possible. And when something new came into my life, I gave it everything, my effort, my patience, my kindness. I showed up fully, ready to love with my whole heart.

But what’s the point when you’re the only one trying?

What’s the point when it’s one-sided? When you find yourself shrinking, questioning your worth, walking on eggshells, and struggling to recognize the person you’ve become? When you’re constantly working to make things right, but deep down, you know, you’re forcing it. You’re forcing something that no longer serves you.

So, what now?

Now, I remind myself that I will be fine. And once I realize that something no longer serves me, or isn’t giving me what I want, or even an aspect of what I want, I will walk. Not even walk, I will run.

I refuse to shrink myself. I refuse to position myself in a way that forces me to settle for what I know I’m not comfortable settling for.

Because I deserve more.

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