My Person
Episode 1:
As she sat by her window with her journal in hand, she flipped to a blank page and began to write. It was an experience she had replayed in her head so many times, yet putting it on paper felt strangely difficult.
August 1st 2020
“I don’t even know how to start this. Maybe it’s the shame that’s holding me back, or maybe it’s the fact that, even now, writing about it feels like reliving it. But I need to get it out.
Lockdown…
Everyone was stuck at home, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored, restless, looking for a way to fill the silence in my life. And then there was this group chat. It wasn’t anything special, just strangers coming together to talk about everything and nothing. It felt harmless. It felt like something to pass the time.
I introduced myself, posted my pictures, added a little bio like everyone else. That was the rule. And of course, the DMs came flooding in, mostly guys, all horny, all trying to see what they could get. I ignored them. I wasn’t interested in random boys sliding into my messages.
But then there was him.
He never messaged me directly, at least not at first. He was just… there, in the group chat, talking like he owned the space. He was funny, smart, and honestly? He sounded so mature. I couldn’t help but notice him. And then we started talking. Slowly, at first, and then all at once.
Our first video call lasted hours. I don’t even remember everything we talked about; I just remember the way he made me feel. He told me I had the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen, and it caught me so off guard. No one had ever said anything like that to me before, and it hit me in a way I didn’t expect. I was hooked. I was always looking forward to his notifications. I’d sit there, staring at my phone, just waiting for his name to pop up.
Looking back now, I can see how naive I was. How delusional I was. But back then, it felt perfect. Too perfect.
For months, it was just us—calls, texts, inside jokes. It felt like we were building something real, even though we’d never met in person. But then there were the girls. There were always girls. He was too attractive for there not to be. He had this way of pulling people in, and I hated it. I hated feeling insecure, but I couldn’t help it.
I remember asking Amaka for advice. I told her how I was worried, how I felt like I wasn’t enough. She told me I was overthinking it. She said I needed to stop being insecure, that he was mature and I shouldn’t let the girls around him bother me. So I stayed.
I don’t even know why. But I stayed.
Maybe it was because I thought he really loved me. Or maybe it was because I wanted to prove to myself that I was enough for him. Either way, I pushed my doubts aside and kept going.
But the doubts never really went away.
We’d been dating for months, and we still hadn’t met in person. My strict home life made it impossible to leave the house. I wasn’t allowed to go out unless it was to see family, and even then, it was a struggle. But I was desperate to see him. I wanted to prove to myself that this was real.
I lied to my parents one day, told them I was visiting a family friend. Instead, I snuck out to meet him at the park. I remember buying a pair of Crocs with the little money I’d saved because I wanted to look good for him. I was so nervous, but when I saw him, all of that disappeared.
It wasn’t some romantic date or anything. We just hung out, talked, laughed. But in that moment, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I was happy. Really, truly happy.
But happiness doesn’t last, does it?
A few days later, a screenshot made its way into the group chat. It was a conversation between him and another girl. He was talking about me, about my height, my looks, and how I wasn’t what he expected. He told her he was going to break up with me and be with her instead.
I was devastated.
But instead of walking away, I clung to him. I asked him about it, and he denied it. He swore it wasn’t true. And I believed him because I didn’t want to believe anything else. I told myself it was just jealousy, that people were trying to tear us apart.
Looking back now, I can’t believe how blind I was. How desperate I was to hold onto someone who didn’t deserve me.
And then, there was her.
One Friday, during our usual group chat games, she came out with it.
She confessed her feelings for him right there in the chat. She didn’t even bother to hide behind anonymity. She told him to choose who he wanted to be with, me or her.
I should’ve walked away then. I should’ve left them both and saved myself the pain. But I didn’t. I stayed. I let him choose. And when he chose me, I felt proud. Like I’d won something.
But what did I really win? A man who didn’t respect me? A relationship built on lies and insecurity?
God, I was so stupid.
Imani sat back, pen hovering over the page, heart pounding in her chest as if the weight of these memories was happening all over again. She let out a shaky breath, then started writing again.
“ How could someone have the audacity to come into the group chat and say something so outrageous? It felt demeaning, stupid, humiliating.
And I… I felt stupid too. But somehow, in the middle of all that mess, I also felt proud. He had chosen me. Out of everyone, he still chose me.
I remember texting him afterward, still heated from everything that had gone down. I asked him, ‘What the hell was that about?’ He just laughed it off, said it was nothing serious, and reassured me it was all a misunderstanding. He told me he just wanted to make it clear to her that he wasn’t interested, and I believed him.
Ugh. God, I don’t know if he used juju on me or what, but I was so delusional, so blind to the obvious. I believed him like a fool, and I let it go.
I thought, ‘This is it. No more drama.’ But I had no idea this was only the beginning. The foundation of everything that was about to collapse.
People started noticing cracks, things I tried to ignore because I was determined to hold onto him. It wasn’t like we were portraying ourselves as the perfect couple, but I think people could tell something wasn’t right. And I started to feel it too. I felt neglected. Suffocated. But instead of addressing it, I distracted myself.
At the time, I was thriving in other areas of my life. I had a good job, I was making money, I was in a really solid place financially. So, I thought, ‘Why let this relationship stress me?’ And then it hit me. Since we never had our first real date, why not organize one myself? Why not pay for everything and make it special?
I told him to dress up and meet me at a fancy restaurant. Oh, this place was divine. Walking in, it felt like heaven, every corner was beautiful, the atmosphere was so dreamy. We sat by the poolside as the sun set, and for the first time in forever, I felt good. I felt like maybe we were finally getting back on track.
After dinner, I paid for everything without a second thought. I didn’t mind. It felt good to treat him because, despite everything, I was in love. Blindly in love. And later that night, we went to the movies, and made out in the cinema. It felt so good, I had never done this before so I felt adventurous, I remember going home that night, smiling like a fool.
Everything felt perfect…until it wasn’t.
I think it was another one of those stupid Friday Night Games. God, I hated those nights. Something messy always happened. And this time, one of his friends had clearly had enough of him. He came into the chat and said, outright, that my boyfriend needed to come clean about everything. He said he was fed up with how my boyfriend was treating me and that if he didn’t break up with me or confess, he was going to expose him.
I was sitting there, staring at my phone, completely confused. What the hell was going on?
And then it came out. He didn’t even try to deny it. My boyfriend had slept with at least four girls in the same group chat I was in. Four. When I tell you my heart stopped, I’m not exaggerating. It was like my mind couldn’t even process the information. My chest tightened, my throat closed up, and my hands went numb. How could I have trusted someone this much? How could I have been this blind?
And it wasn’t just the cheating. It was the things he had said about me. Demeaning, disrespectful things. Things I didn’t even want to repeat to myself because they were so vile. I confronted him, and of course, he denied everything.
He swore it wasn’t true, but this time… this time, something broke inside me. I couldn’t keep pretending.
There was no way I could stay with someone who had betrayed me like that. Who had humiliated me like that.
And still, somehow, when the begging started, when he sent mutual friends to plead on his behalf, I forgave him.
Right now, even writing this down feels like it’s sucking the life out of me. I can’t relive it again today. I just can’t.”
Imani closed the journal and rested her head in her hands.
This story wasn’t over, not by a long shot.
But for now, it was enough.
People 😔
Omo👏💔
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